Saturday, November 7, 2009

The tenderloin of life. (or the girly writing)

(A bela da fotografia despreocupada)



Those who decline the tendency, the inclination I have on that very fine line between lunacy and geniality, I can manifest toward the latter can firstly go fuck themselves and after succeeding in your delighful premature ejaculation rejoice, jubilee upon the fact that my complete written works we're tossed in the trash by my dear mother. Thing is, way things are going, i could'nt be happier, my life's awesome right now and it is at this very moment that I attain the consideration for another side of that disaster, i can start anew.

Pretty darn good way to look at things...

Friends are fantastic, I do very much love all of you and hope to be in the next few phases in our lives that have such strenuous and demolished rendering tasks that there can't even be mentioned anything else.

Family is equally fabulous, oh such a very gay word, nonetheless, love remains. Thank you for all, sisters are cool, parents are smart and grandparents are sages of wisdom. Aunts and uncles are the essence of style and to you I too bow down in reverence.





(By the way, I do not intend to kill myself.)





Business is a poppin', girls are a jumpin' and friends remain lovely. New ones arrive that don't replace the others but have equal significance.

Lastly, my studies are stupendous and colleuagues, especially those of the female sex, are stupyfying, thanks a bunch y'all!





Anyway, all I want is to leave an ode of recognition, a song of warm feeling and groovy buzzes, it is the real dream that manifests itself across one's soul when he discovers happiness, simple and uncomplicated bliss. Thinks are just gonna get better.

Fecho em português pois será mais significativo e apelativo dizer a tal palavra ruim, muito amor para vocês eim?

Friday, October 30, 2009

É verdade, a etic dá trabalho...

Tou viciadíssimo em criar blogs, fiz 3 esta semana, eis o único que interessa.

http://lodgedbullet.blogspot.com/


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Insult of the day. (Here it is)

You were conceived doggy style.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A esforçada inquiridora


Pois que ela arranjou trabalho, e qualquer coisa que faça, o que quer que seja, fá-lo com acervo, disciplina e dedicação. Porque é que isto há-de ser uma excepção?


Qual foi o posto de trabalho desta volta? Uma série deles. Passando no entanto todos eles por estações de metro na linha lisboeta.


Tendo feito já alguns dias de trabalho e testemunhado toda a espécie de acontecimentos, pessoas ou até mesmo fenómenos, dando-se pelo meio satisfeita com pequenas particularidades como apanhar alguém cujo título de transporte era da modalidade "zapping", esta rapazinha encontrava-se cansada. Lastimávelmente esgotada. Ora o meio de transporte que a aguardava á superfície era uma motinha, cuja pertencia á sua querida mãe. O problema era o seguinte: não andava com modos!

Eram já 8 da noite, hora de dar por terminado o seu dia mas tanto era o afecto que tinha por um empreendimento que ainda que pouco, lhe ia encher os bolsos que resolveu telefonar á patroa e perguntar se pagavam mais duas horinhas ao que foi presenteada com uma resposta positiva.


E lá ficou ela, numa paragem que talvez não tenha sido das mais bem escolhidas, no sítio de hoje: Senhor Roubado. Ruminou, despediu-se dos seus colegas que a aconselharam fortemente contra essa sua decisão repentina e preguiçosa, sim porque no fundo ela queria era adiar a hora de montar a sua motorozida, o seu pobre e coitado ciclomotor.


Mas enfim, ficou-se por lá sendo desde já de louvar tamanha atroz decisão, uma em que se sabe de plena consciência que não vai dar bom resultado mas decide-se no entanto pela desgraça, uma fé cega no karma depois de ter dado esmola aquele ceguinho e ajudado a velhota a atravessar a rotunda do marquês, mais cedo no seu dia. Pronto.


A Julie Brandôa era uma menina bem parecida de uma estatura ligeiramente, e de que ligeireza, mais baixa que a estatura média. Tinha um cabelo moreno por vezes claro que desdenhava a pessoa que se atrevesse tocá-lo, não era abastado em demasia, just right.

Uns olhos castanhos e escondidos pequenos na sua ligeireza elegante mas plenos e recheados de expressão quando a situação a pedia. A boca. Ai a boca, quantas palavras podia eu gastar nessa interminável descrição, não o faço, são como rubras cerejas no verão, oh deixa-me beijar esta alva princesa, penhor do noivar!


O que se segue, será um relato de uma violação? Foi ela atravancada contra uma parede e filmada simultaneamente, será que assinou a autorização para comercializar o footage?

Não me parece. Mas que foi abordada foi.


Estava eu no metro, a fazer o que sei melhor que é cuidar do meu márinho, como eu amo o meu fogacho de prazer, ui! Vinhamos lá de Odivelas e o gajo decidiu sair no senhor roubado, e eu percebi porquê.

O filho da puta topou-me uma míuda, era gira a pita. Viu-a e saímos naquela paragem. Ela veio falar connosco vestida á putéfia que chama pelo mundo num colete reflector e as perninhas a abanar na minha cara como se quisesse afirmar-me qualquer coisa. Parto-lhe a boca!
-Boa noite, estão interessados em responder a um inquérito?

-Pois, já é um bocado tarde, ó nessa que é que achas pa?

-Olha eu acho que também é tarde, anda lá embora que temos que ir ca tua mãe comprar preservativos, acabaram.

A Julie com uma cara algo chocada em tamanho comforto de discutir certos assuntos na praça pública engole em seco e depois de alguns momentos em recolha diz:

-Pois, eu percebo. Outro dia.

-Nã, ainda dá tempo, é rapidinho né? he he!


A esta hora já a mitrolha está a arrancar os cabelos a si própria.

-É pois.

Responde a senhora Brandôa com um entusiasmo falso e no entanto atento.


Depois de algumas perguntas que concernem o nível de satisfacção dos clientes no metro de lisboa o casal pipoca retira-se.


Nem ela sabe o seu azar, chegam lá fora e a mãe do márinho diz que eles tem de ir a um jantar que não dá tempo para ir comprar as camisinhas, oferece boleia á "maluka" mas a mesma rejeita. Que não se importa de voltar de metro, que tem de tratar duns assuntos.

Regressa ao local de trabalho da outra e mesmo quando a nossa discreta protagonista se conformava com a brilhante estupidez de se ter deixado permanecer neste antro e havia prometido a si mesma ficar apenas mais 10 minutinhos...


-Ouve lá- diz a gaiteira- tu esticas-te levas, tás no meu bairro ah minha puta!

-Eu? Mas que é que eu fiz?

-Pois não sei que é que tinha acontecido se eu não tivesse aqui, nem quero pensar ó caralho!

-Tou só a trabalhar, nunca me atreveria a tocar no teu namorado, desculpa se deixei entender alguma coisa. Não foi de propósito, para além do mais, ele nem é do meu tipo por isso não tens nada que te preocupar. Tá bem?

- Não na tá.

E eis que a nessinha começou ás biquieradas e puxou o cabelo á Julie, amassaram-se durante um pouco para grande deleite de um senhor velho de gabardine de um verde escuro e cansado que aparentava "flashar" pessoas nos jardins públicos.

Enquanto isto acontecia e blocos com inquéritos voavam juntamente com aneís de beshisbeke e coletes se rasgavam começava-se a ouvir ao fundo o tremer do soalho, o metro aproximava-se. O gabardines preocupou-se:

-Meninas tenham cuidado que vem aí o metro, ainda se magoam...


Mas não se levantou, havia um certo tremer por baixo do seu casaco também, o que ele fazia ninguem sabe, mas eram só os três na estação, ninguém mais aprenderia com mais significado e extenunate clara aparência o perigo em passar o risco amarelo.
Pois que apareceu, o tipo ao fundo berrava entre gritos de prazer masturbado e aviso preocupado. De nada adiantou. Mesmo quando parecia que se ia dar por terminado aquele embate a Julie dá um verdadeiro murro na cara da nessa, esta desvia-se. Mas não sem escorregar num inquérito que havia encontrado consolo na sua lenta paragem ondulante aos pés da tal causa sarilhos. Caiu na linha do metro e o seu corpo não chegou a atingir o chão, o metro levou-a. O trauma fica em quem vê. O cadavér futuro foi lançado para o ar e ainda se viu sangue a espirritar á medida que o corpo rebolava para grande desprazer de quem a presenceava no tecto do metro. O maquinista que devia tar adormecido, agiu como se nada fosse e após fazer uma paragem em que ninguem saiu avançou deixando cair para trás o corpo daquele rapariga na base que a tinha aguardado, apenas para a electrocutar.


Foram mais 2minutos despedaçantes, as paredes de sanidade daquela rapariga haviam sido destruídas qual muro de berlim e sabendo perfeitamente das nojentas, insádias mãos do sem-abrigo e do seu ódio a contacto físico, qualquer que seja a sua origem, deixou-se abraçar. Ele agarrava-a com força e tentava conter o choro e a imeisurável berraria que advinha deste espetacúlo digno da encenação de um verdadeiro Marquis de Sade.

A rapariga, obviamente morreu. E com ela a saúde mental de uma pessoa, pois a outra já a havia perdido á muito.

Ninguem sabe da julie.


Tis said she roams the tube and after having thrown herself into the same lines a few weeks later to this fateful happening she is now a spirit whispering words of wisdom and warning to persons who step too close or past the yellow mark on that floor, frowning also upon people who litter the ground making it a menace as well.


Beware of Julie´s Ghoul.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Le Nouveau Cinema Paradis

The lyricist calmly entered the room in antecipation, given the ruckus he'd already been hearing, that there would be an air of tension and opposite animosity inside. He saw chairs flying, matches lighting, person's shouting. Unbelievable.

He hadn´t been in the room for a pair of seconds when as if some omnipotent force embodied upon his presence, whence he came was the origin of this stream of awe causing blue(he'd decided upon his navy blue suit that morning, he thought things would go undisrupting today).

Anyway, the room stood still as did it's bystanders and participants. There was respect, a man of song and words in this town was the elder to their chinese persona. Glorifed by this shock of arrest he took a chair that lay upon the stomped ground and set it at a corner of the room. Standing up on the chair and waving his booklet about as a preacher would address if in his pulpit he gathered the attention of the townsmen of Mendillienne:
-I do beg of thee, pray tell what has befallen upon such loved walls that bind us and make possible our social standings unknown and our mutual pleasure of that screen a supreme cause for, be it laughter, sorrow, cheer or leer. Did the projectionist fail to still the image in the right frame?
Unfortunately, o well intentioned talent, this here isn't the area towards which it is inclined. Caos broke and chairs remained where they stood(or not), and matches continued encarcerated in their boxes. But the noise... The noise, the noise! Well, he faked a faint, a small and sudden shiver of his knees as well as the elevating of the back of his hand to his forehead in an omage to theatrical pompousities.
Twas enough to de-ruffle the crowd.

-You there-as he pointed to a child that had seemed impervious to all the confusion and hadn't performed but an action apart from that of gazing our protagonist- tell me. What has happened here?

-Me sir?-the puzzled boy inquired nervous and disturbed for having been forced to act rather that just remain a dot on the map, within these walls- I arrived late, i really couldn't say...

-Well, try boy!- said the lyricist with a brush of authority bearing in mind the necessity of demonstrating through his voice simultaneously trust and an invite to ease.

-Well, those two over there- he pointed causing the same mentioned to sly through looks and hide behind their beret's, belittling themselves to the lyricist- they we're escorting a lady, both of them to my knowledge or comprehension. How can I explain?

-It seems you have no vernacular problems old boy...

And once again the thermometer and it's red dial raised themselves amongst general laughter, as well as the rouge blushing of the assistant librarian.

-Indeed sir. So I shall proceed. They we're seated on both sides of the lady, quite beautiful if i might dare add, she alternated glances, shared moments if you will me to encapsulate it in a most swift manner. The climax of the film arrived, they both wrestled in there minds for their was not a doubt that it would be then the crucial moment and the man upon which she would decide to avert her eyes toward would be he the chosen and delighted with his reward, to be given later.

Well, what happened, very simply so was a lack of film. The whole scene just jumped through and as a pretext to bicker, so they did. As many a men we're thinking when the money they had paid seemed wasted they too began to scruffle with each other. Wasn't long before the apocalipse previewed itself in walls before so solemn and significant, as you said sir, in bringing us, even if just a tad, closer together.

He was clapped due to so much verve and parlating excellence and once again that boyish rosy red struck the contours of his face.

-I see- thought, said and stroking his chin dictated- this cannot be! Alfred- he beckoned to the cabin above- can this be solved?

-But of course monsieur, if the priest allows it.

- Very well, I shall talk to him but first there must be a collection of words, given, done here to ensure this mess be tended to, Am i clear?
And there went the chorus- CERTAINLY!


From then on all that took place was the talk between two high profile townmembers of Mendilienne, a restoring of order in the theatre and the providing of a second lady to the man who lost opposite his adversary the coin toss.

The lyricist and the assistant librarian did have a chat, one too many big words and erudite thoughts to be transcripted, besides, it's boring.

Friday, September 4, 2009

The fredmeister went to school on some hoffman!


Even though, all matters considered, the whole of my life is just one big permanent vacation, I have, in these past couple of months, been tending to my relaxation.

Having said what was utterly unnecessary for all transcripted onto this humble blog of mine is but giberrish and imensely cocked up notions that i do indeed deserve and should be heard or read.

Commiting such profanity of befouling my own name i dounderstand that i can as of now move on to the next step.

I shall then claim, once again, abso-fucking-lutely nothing, just a neverending pit of moss and cess-pool of words that have no particular direction.

This trance of mine is offered due to an itch I have been feeling for quite some time now, that of returning to this lovely state of cathatonic writings, should I transfer unto these "pages" an experience of mine?


I do wonder, whether this is a good idea...

And here is my title:

Hoffman

On said day, which? No one refered the date, im being mystified already! Anyyyyyway, what happened was this boy i know, quite well (given the fact it is indeed myself), was feeling rather down. A number of events and propositions gone wrong turned out to engrose his feeling of loss and anti-warmth: shivering cold. A friend of his had popped her cherry with an undesireable mister, unworthy of such endeavour. A night out with some friends, a cousin and a near-cousin with a few jolly-rodgers we met later on to be precise. On such an occasion of folly and festivity, who doesn't want to fuck a lovely little libidinous lassy lady? But a gay man! And this i do not and shall never claim to be. (To all of yous out there, i mean no offense, keep on sucking whomevers cock you desire. I fancy lollipops too, but of the sweeter and un-surpriseful kind).
The evening started out with an eagerness to go to a certain club, which goes by the name of jamaica. Unfortunately, twas closed. Moving on to the next, and the next, and the one after that we only found closed doors. However, quite simply we treaded upon a club, awarding itself with a 3am strip spectacle. We went inside and exited once more to find a couple, more than, friends of mine. They said hi and we said hi. We went in, all of us, as a group. 3 portuguese indivuals to 3 other foreign lasses, we know it's goin' be on! A norweigan, an american form conneticut and a dutch little minx, to whom i extended my first step, to pay the remaining value of her drinks.

Come 3o'clock in the morning, it was time! She prominently took the stage in her red lingerie, full with drappings and silks and all that shite. She danced, she teased, they sleazed, they loved. We all did, including me, a virgin to these matters. Never had i ever, excepting the privacy of my own bedroom, glanced upon such a soirée. During the dance, a black old drunk who had been pestering us with his naughty dancing rituals kept asking us, the silenced and in awe tranquil persons, to be quiet. After the show we left to search, finding but a destination of ours closed for business, closed simply. On this oppurtunity i convinced my cousin to beatbox his way into the night. Spectacular! Superb, stupendous i say! We jammed alright.


We decided to go to a highly frequented place of the youngings of our nations capital: santos. On crossing the railway by bridge, by whatever brain stroke that tok over me, i proposed, as a jest, group suicide. The dutch lady, Nadine was her name, got utterly freaked out by this. We arrived at the bars and began drinking, a few moments later to this fact i kissed the norweigan on the lips a couple of times and others to prove to my friend and cousin. It was fun. The original three of us, on seeing some police officers chose to retreat a little further away to smoke some haxe, some desirable lovely cigarettenof marvels and wondrous states.
We rolled, we glued, we smoked. We got high. When the ladies found out of our possesions they immediately wanted to buy, and would´ve paid handsomely if it were´nt for the prat in control declining such an offer. Oh well. I then travelled back down the street to find they had all left. One of my friends to get most definately lucky with the american ho. The three musketeers we´re tired. We we´re to go home, catch a taxi cab. But i ran into a couple, a group of fellows, inquiring if i had some blow on me, which i did not. Fact is i don't ingest or inhale the high societys drug, i feel quite confident of my social status.

But there was a transaction, after borrowing some money from my friends ATM withdrawl i purchased what is known as a Hoffman, and more commonly recognised as an acid, fuckinhell!

Where was the place elected, chosen by my sprung out mind to ingest the first advised quarter. To take it slow and avoid risks they said, another thing at whic i was a virgin, probably the only two, these that i have refered. I sliced it and chewed it on the taxi ride to the pastry factory near home for a few cakies. We ate, i drank, i ate, we drank, it kicked in. My eyes started to blink incessantly and then open widely into the world before me. As of that moment undistorted yet with a feeling, a premonition of apocalyptical proportions. I began to act all golemely like making sounds and doing estranged movements, back and forth. I even ran. I lied down in the middle of the street for gods sake! A highly dense trafficed one even: ferreira borges.
I carried on immersed in this postsummer night dream and found myself eager to step the steps of my house. Four flights of stairs until i could go back home. And i did, i ingested the second quarter. Things eased down, hoffmans quieted themselves and i played virtual footie. A little time, and remind me never to waste so terribly such a rave required drug on a high of unepic proportions, what could have been? A little time before retreating yo my humble imediate abode, my chambers, i took the last half. When i layed on my bed i couldnt sleep. I just kept ruffling and moving about ferverously in an attempt to fall into my desired slumber. I kept wacking to try and induce the said sleep, didnt work. I must've wacked some 9 times that night and nothing happened! Thank god for orgasms or it would've been a waste! My wrinkled, tiresome cock, for the first time, waas of no use. Forgive me mighty mouse for defiling your reputation. Then the visuals: hell! Seriously, all these colours drowned my thoughts and worries, i saw hell in a monet canvas of splaterred brushed up reds and yellows, valleys and mountains. Horrifying! And then there was the chess match, with the devil. A game i do not play and an adversary of which i am unworthy. This went on for a while, and that night i did not get any sleep. All the while i kept having this taste, this ball of flavour robbed of its palate, at the back of my throat. I swallowed it but it never leaved.


The following day i kept a little drousy, even with a couple of showers and food in my system i was afraid of drinking any form and sort of liquid to avoid the continuing of the high.


The next night,and of this i cant be sure, i believe the effect was still rather latent for i kept on talking nonsense to this lovely beautiful girl who fooled me into believing she was french. This led my foul mouth to say some regretful profanities.


What have i learned, nothing. It was stupendous, the only lesson took perhaps is choosing to do this the next time at a slightly gayer place, and yes, i do mean happy. A setting of flowery bloom and musical boom.


So, ta ta to all.


I will see you and report on some other faithful event.


All my love.




All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.